The Canvas Bags Are Particularly Symbolic

When I first moved to Florida a few years ago, canvas shopping bags were completely unheard of.  Well not conceptually, but using them.

I knew that stores in large cities like New York and DC were pushing for customers to bring their own bags to take home their purchased goods from their stores as a means of cutting down on non-biodegradable plastic bags (as a side note, more customers doing this would also save the retailer some money as well).  However, this trend had not yet taken hold here in Florida.

Sure, the bags were available for purchase, but nobody really seemed too keen on using them.  This was probably because doing so would be a sign that you were some dirty long-haired tree freak who was too busy believing the global warming agenda to support our troops.  Mentioning the fact that Europe has been using them for years with great success would probably be met with a real original (and mature) zinger like, “well, if you think Europe is so great, why don’t you just move there?”  It was better to let sleeping bags lie.

And so the bags sat on the shelves until something changed a few years ago: logos.

College logos to be specific.  That’s right, once the bags were blessed with University of Florida Gator heads and Florida State University Seminoles branding, they suddenly became a much more common sight at the grocery stores and in the parking lots.  With the additional branding, the bags went from being a socialist symbol to conversation piece (the conversation: “I-am-an-FSU-fan-and-screw-whatever-team-you like-because-the-Noles-are-the-single-greatest-program-of-all-time-AND-Jimbo-Fisher-is-the-second-coming-also-please-hurry-up-and-order-at-the-deli-I-am-in-a-hurry-thank-you.”).

If there’s one thing the canvas bags have taught us, it is that adding college logos can help you sell fucking ANYTHING in this state.  Seriously, take a spin through FSU’s online bookstore, where you can view all 45 GD (goddamn) pages.

Why is it possible to get a UF toothbrush?  So you can fight plaque “the Gator way.”

I feel like these gloves would be great attire for a frosty afternoon watching a football game at a stadium nicknamed “The Swamp.”  Yup, they seem very practical.

Also, who the hell thought these were a good idea?  (Haha, jorts!)

I am waiting for the guy that opens the first branded gas station here.   “Fill up like a Bull Gator today!  Come inside for a limited edition Tebow Virginal Foot Long (Now with extra Cheez!)”

Maybe I should design something actually useful, like a University of Miami-branded cyanide dispenser.


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